Off the wagon... a lot

I'm going to say sorry right away, because this blog is not going to be funny. I'm in a bit of a rut, and I'm feeling down.

So the day was bound to come eventually, I have majorly fallen off the wagon.

This is me, but with cheese.

I've been feeling really discouraged lately, so I've been avoiding posting because I don't want to show off my failure. 

When someone falls off the wagon, you should get up and try to chase it down again, right?

I didn't do that.

I kind of just sat there and tried to convince myself that I was still on the wagon. I visualized myself on it. I could feel the red metal under my legs (oh yeah, I could FEEL that red...)

After shaking off the denial, I kind of was just waiting for a new wagon to come and pick me up: I wasn't going to go chase the old one down.

I suppose it's more than just the food thing. I wanted to exercise, but I was tired of falling on the ice, and I have a pretty full schedule. I'm a full time student and a theater major, so I don't have a lot of free time.

But no one has time anymore.

I used to go to a nutritionist a few years ago, because, let's face it, I've always been chubby. My inner fat kid tackled my inner skinny kid decades ago, and has been sitting on her chest ever since.

Anyway, my nutritionist said that you have to make working out a priority. Like, you're too busy exercising to do other things. Makes sense right?

Well, I can't really give specific examples of how I'm off the wagon-- I just consistently make unhealthy choices, and I feel like I don't know how to make good ones? Maybe?

I used to think it was this obvious.

I try to keep track of what I eat, and eat at the same times every day, and not get junk food, and not skip meals to avoid starving, then gorging myself at the end of the day. And I avoid fast food, and candy, etc. etc.

That being said, I'm poor. I can't afford to not have any processed food. I don't have a lot of free days to go grocery shopping, and when I do, I have to make sure I don't buy too much fruit and veggies because they'll go bad before I can eat them. 

Yum.

I have been avoiding buying my biggest weakness food of Pepper Jack Cheese

Ooo... You know that's how I like it.

Before I get anymore depressing, I'll just post this awesome Jenny Marbles video. It's called Junk Food Confessions, and it's basically my life.

I literally laughed out loud because I've probably done all of these things. Except buy 80 wings and eat them all. . .

Final thought: I promise I will be rid of my dead puppy syndrome for next time. I've just been working on this for a long time, but I've totally half-assed it, so I've literally had NO PROGRESS. You'd think with an ass as big as mine, even half-assing it would have some results.

PS! Something exciting! I made a Living Chubby Facebook page! I'm hoping to post more pictures and general chubby people things on there between blogs :). It's just called Living Chubby.