Measurement Day/Hydroxycut

OK! I feel like I'm getting a new start. At the beginning of this month, I OFFICIALLY measured my:

-Belly
-Hips
-Arms
-Thighs
-Calves

And I weighed myself.

Mr. Scale, I want a rematch

And a rematch we will have!

MAY 1, 2013 is the next "weigh-in" day.

I'm not gonna lie. If I have made no progress this month, I will be needing some serious help getting back on the wagon. So far this month I've been trying extra hard to eat well, and get out and exercise at LEAST 3x a week. Last week I got 4 days, and this week I haven't gotten any (yet).

The weather has not been welcoming here

Yeah, this week I have forgotten to work out, the rain has been pretty bad, and yesterday I was feeling really not good.

On a similar note: I am trying a more intense "dieting" regime. I had been having such a hard time about eating. I felt like I was hungry CONSTANTLY. I would only eat until I was full, and then, I swear, I would be hungry in like an hour. So I started eating small snacks every hour and a half. But how small is a small snack?

This is small, right?

 I didn't want to be eating all the time. I was getting frustrated.

SO

I have a cousin who lost a bunch of weight a few years ago. I asked what her secret was, and she said she used Hydroxycut. After a lot of consideration, I went out and bought a bottle. Turns out, it's pretty much a caffeine pill. 

These pills will make you HARDCORE! AND ELITE!!! WE DON'T KNOW HOW!!!

Probably with jitters.

Each pill has about as much caffeine as 3 cups of coffee. (Coffee has108mg of caffeine per 8 fl. oz.). Then you're supposed to take 2 pills 30 mins before every meal. 

(1 pill = 3 cups of coffee. 2 pills x 3 meals = 18 CUPS OF COFFEE A DAY). 

I think my heart just stopped

Yeah. It's a lot.

You don't just start with that (you would probably throw up). One is supposed to gradually work your way to that. The first two days you only take one pill with your two biggest meals. The next two you take 2 with each big meal, and so on.

I think it's interesting that diet pills only work with proper diet and exercise. Ideally, ALL diets would work with proper diet and exercise.

But I am not doing this to medicate my fat away, I just want a little help not feeling hungry, There's no way I actually am hungry, but I feel it in my gut. It's weird.

I know a lot of people are really against taking pills like this, but I am still eating 1500 cals a day (I absolutely make sure of it!) and exercising. I'm working on making good eating decisions too.

BUT

There is a positive thing about the caffeine: It has made my mood so much better! As a student, I have school at around 8AM, and as a theater student, I have rehearsal until 10PM. I do not usually get to go home and do nothing. Then when I finally get home I usually have 2-5 hours of homework. Admittedly, I don't always DO my homework, but even by 6:30PM (when my rehearsal starts) I'm usually tired, and ready to be done with the day.

Not to mention MAD grumpy.

I have been struggling with being in a bad mood, and feeling negative all year, and recently, I've felt a pick-me-up. People who had been getting under my skin, all of a sudden, weren't bothering me very much anymore. That might seem like not a big thing, but I had "I-hate-people" tunnel vision. I felt like my whole life was consumed with just putting up with stupid people.

NOW

Bliss

Do I know I'm probably getting addicted to caffeine? Yes. Do I realize I might not actually be happy, but I'm just getting a constant stimulus? YES. Do I care? Not really. I've been so miserable that a little stimulus is just what I needed. If caffeine makes people less annoying, bring on the addiction.

But in all seriousness, I will not buy another bottle of Hydroxycut. It was pretty expensive, it makes me feel a little jittery, and I just want a little jump start. If I get closer to my wedding and want to lose a few more pounds, I might pick up another bottle, but I don't want this to be my new lifestyle. I want healthy food and yoga and running and stuff like that. IF I need to keep the caffeine, I guess I'll have an afternoon coffee

Off the wagon... a lot

I'm going to say sorry right away, because this blog is not going to be funny. I'm in a bit of a rut, and I'm feeling down.

So the day was bound to come eventually, I have majorly fallen off the wagon.

This is me, but with cheese.

I've been feeling really discouraged lately, so I've been avoiding posting because I don't want to show off my failure. 

When someone falls off the wagon, you should get up and try to chase it down again, right?

I didn't do that.

I kind of just sat there and tried to convince myself that I was still on the wagon. I visualized myself on it. I could feel the red metal under my legs (oh yeah, I could FEEL that red...)

After shaking off the denial, I kind of was just waiting for a new wagon to come and pick me up: I wasn't going to go chase the old one down.

I suppose it's more than just the food thing. I wanted to exercise, but I was tired of falling on the ice, and I have a pretty full schedule. I'm a full time student and a theater major, so I don't have a lot of free time.

But no one has time anymore.

I used to go to a nutritionist a few years ago, because, let's face it, I've always been chubby. My inner fat kid tackled my inner skinny kid decades ago, and has been sitting on her chest ever since.

Anyway, my nutritionist said that you have to make working out a priority. Like, you're too busy exercising to do other things. Makes sense right?

Well, I can't really give specific examples of how I'm off the wagon-- I just consistently make unhealthy choices, and I feel like I don't know how to make good ones? Maybe?

I used to think it was this obvious.

I try to keep track of what I eat, and eat at the same times every day, and not get junk food, and not skip meals to avoid starving, then gorging myself at the end of the day. And I avoid fast food, and candy, etc. etc.

That being said, I'm poor. I can't afford to not have any processed food. I don't have a lot of free days to go grocery shopping, and when I do, I have to make sure I don't buy too much fruit and veggies because they'll go bad before I can eat them. 

Yum.

I have been avoiding buying my biggest weakness food of Pepper Jack Cheese

Ooo... You know that's how I like it.

Before I get anymore depressing, I'll just post this awesome Jenny Marbles video. It's called Junk Food Confessions, and it's basically my life.

I literally laughed out loud because I've probably done all of these things. Except buy 80 wings and eat them all. . .

Final thought: I promise I will be rid of my dead puppy syndrome for next time. I've just been working on this for a long time, but I've totally half-assed it, so I've literally had NO PROGRESS. You'd think with an ass as big as mine, even half-assing it would have some results.

PS! Something exciting! I made a Living Chubby Facebook page! I'm hoping to post more pictures and general chubby people things on there between blogs :). It's just called Living Chubby.